I wanna find love. I wanna be in love. 
I’m fascinated with knowing what that feeling feels like

i wanna know what its like
To wake up next to the person who can genuinely make you smile, laugh, & cry tears of joy
To wake up next to the person who in your heart, you feel that you love (whatever that is..)
and in your heart you know they Truly love you… No doubts. No questions.

I thought for a while i had that with brittney. i thought she was the one. But our checkered past made it impossible to have an honest relationship. There was a point in time after we got back together after our 3 month break up that it felt real. Everything felt honest, and genuine. But it seems that our past caught back up to us, and time got the best of us. 

Im so scared of another failing relationship.
i would rather just be by my fucking self sometimes. 
the only thing is being lonely is so bone crushing to me.
i feel as if i HAVE to find somebody to be with…
even if that person isn’t genuine.
Im terrified im searching for something that maybe, doesn’t exist. 

I just wanna find her. Where are you..